I know you always remember those first days when you and your partner were dating – all those promises of how you will never leave each other and how you always held hands in front of everyone. Now, years fast-forwarded, and you probably have a child with him/her, possibly even unplanned. What can you do to steady the rocking ship, to get out of the rut that you are in?
We have all witnessed hundreds of relationships falling apart and suffering because of too much familiarity, busy schedules or the kids. Hence these days couples are attending relationship counselling services to seek tips to re-ignite the spark in their relationship. I believe that it is possible to reclaim that spark in your relationship and fall in love with each other all over again. The following are five steps that can guide you on the right path to so:
1. Be Attentive to Each Other’s life
After years of being together, it is easy to get into the habit of snubbing your companion and taking them for granted, without even realising it. The initial step is to get back that spark in your relationship is to start being attentive to your partner. When I talk about attention, I do not mean going out your way to go out to dinner, cooking every evening and buying expensive gifts. I only suggest talking (and listening most importantly) to each other.
When having a conversation, try to avoid topics like work or the house. Instead, talk about things both of you like. The kind of talk you may have had when the two of you started going out. You could speak of the movies you watched, hobbies the both of you could enjoy doing or anything else that can make you reconnect.
It is likely to work because when couples are committed to a long-term relationship, they have a tendency to forget about each other’s interests and hobbies, focusing on other ‘relevant’ items like their jobs and money. It is what leads to the further disconnection between each other, making the both of you feel like strangers.
For the both of you to reconnect, it is important to remember what it was that brought the two of you together; your enthusiasm, your humour and the silly guilty pleasure that you both share.
I know you think that if you are in a long-term committed relationship, you don’t need to flirt with each other anymore. Scratch that off your mind. Flirting is an essential part of your companionship in whichever stage the both of you are, as important as the first time the both of you met. A little mutual flirting can go a long way to improving things in your relationship. Make an attempt to replace the moody resentment and daily hustle of family life with a little enthusiasm and playfulness.
You can flirt with each other in different ways; write each other notes, dress right for each other, share jokes or just be straight and tell him/her how attractive you always think he/she is. Making each other feel desirable can turn the numb communication around and replace it with a positive vibe of interaction, putting back the spark in all the right places.
It is very often that when the relationship starts fading, so does your sex life. After all, it is common sense to like someone you desire. Sex is a fundamental mean of connecting with your partner, especially if you have a child together. It is advisable to have more sex, not less if you are in a struggling relationship. And don’t just do it depending on if you are in the mood for it. It may feel unnatural at first, but as you keep doing it more, you’ll ease into it and see not only the benefits but also enjoy it.
4. Surprise Each Other
Everybody loves surprises. When in a long-term commitment, it can, however, be difficult to remember doing the small, surprising acts that you once did to each other. I’m talking about buying a bouquet of flowers, getting a bottle of wine and drinking together or buying her jewellery to put a smile on his or her face. Little, thoughtful gestures can go a long way showing that you care, and you think of them when you are apart. You even don’t have to buy gifts. You can just prepare their favourite food, record a movie you think they will like or wear that outfit they find you attractive. As long as its something that tells them they are special to you.
5. Go Out on Dates
During you first weeks when you met your partner, I bet you used to go out on dates. Doing awesome things with each other and enjoying the company of just the two of you. However with all the responsibilities as a couple, it can be difficult to get out of your busy life, or out of town for a single night of fun. As hard as it may be, it is vital for the health of your relationship. Make an attempt to plan for a date at least once every fortnight. If the options are limited, you can be ‘creative’ with your idea or setting of the date.
Try to capitalise on those free nights you have. Candlelit dinner with some red wine, sleepovers, invited parties by your neighbours and friends are all opportunities for a date with each other.
Use this article to rediscover each other and not only reignite that spark but usher in a new and happier life for the both of you.